i miss Evie very very very much~

i had thought that it would be good for Evie to be with her cousin Ella. but apparently i'm sadly mistaken. because Evie lives with Ella and her parents (Stanley's sister and brother-in-law), she observes first hand how Ella is with her parents all the time. Evie tells her aunt that her aunt and uncle care for Ella, while her own dad and mom care for her and that she wants her dad and mom back.. (姑姑姑丈錫妹妹,爸爸媽媽錫Evie.爸爸媽媽返嚟..) so the current arrangement no longer works. she's refusing to eat and sleep at school, and has huge temper at home as well. of course it takes time to adjust to school.. but i realized it is simply no good to separate her from her parents, no matter what the circumstance... so immediately Stanley changed his flight ticket to head home on Friday. i hope daddy's presence will help calm her down and make her happier. if in October the doctors tell me I can travel long distance, i will go see Evie immediately. If the doctors still think i should be grounded, then i hope Stanley will bring Evie to Taipei for a visit. if he finds a job here, then we could stay here for 2 years or until I no longer require such frequent hospital visits. If I'm only getting checkups every half a year, we can all move back to Canada and I'll just fly over alone for those checkups....

i just worry that our prolonged stay in Taipei might cause inconvenience to my family here, and Stanley's career may be jeopardized if he's working 2 years in Taipei then start it all over again back in Toronto.. And pay in Taiwan seems so much lower than in Canada while living expenses seem the same.. But if it's only for 2 years maybe we could pull it off? Evie doesn't need to be in school so young if I'm with her all day long...

anyways. once again planning seems useless to me. perhaps i should stop my logical mind in decision making... perhaps it is better to make a few emotional decisions, especially ones concerning Evie?? it breaks my heart to know she misses us like we miss her...

post-treatment results part 1 of 2

The abdomen MRI came out good. The tumor in abdominal lymph node shrank from 3-5 cm to 1 cm. They also got a good look at my liver and found it in perfect shape. I will be getting a pelvic MRI in October that will cover cervical area as well as the abdominal lymph node so we'll make sure pelvic area stays clean and the abdominal tumor continues to shrink. I've been having some abdominal pains lately and doctors said this could be the side effects of my radiation treatment from Canada - my intestines are all sticking to the right side and they may have become sticky which cause the pain. So... I'm back on pain killers, on and off. I just hope the October MRI scan will also give me good news. I'll live with the pain. Waiting is really becoming annoying.. but this is also something I have to live with because I can never be certain I'm out of danger, at least not for 2-5 years..

However, I am missing Evie very very much and I'm not happy to see that she's become unhappy too - perhaps because she misses her parents plus her recent enrollment to montessori.. She's spent 4 days at the montessori now and except for the first day, she's become very emotional and unhappy. We think it's time daddy goes back home to be with her. I have to wait until I get an all-clear from the doctors to travel... I hope to go in late October!