In Toronto

Monday night, I arrived Toronto airport. After I got through immigrations, as I was walking towards baggage claims, my eyes were suddenly wet. I was very much alive, and I was going to see Evie!! I felt kind of silly as I silently wiped off my tears.

Hubby came to the airport to pick me up, with my 2005 330xi. I forced him to let me drive home. How could I resist, after almost no driving since late last November when the war against cancer began? It's really been too long.

We got home in Evie's delightful screams of Ma Ma this and Ma Ma that. She has a lot more vocabs and facial expressions compared with half a year ago. Her movements are also a lot more confident and stronger. We kept looking at each other from various angles - something we couldn't quite accomplish in Skype. She was quite excited and me very happy :)

Tuesday, we gave Evie a day off school so I get to reacquaint myself with her. We took the afternoon nap together. I slept more than she did because of jet lag. She just played silently in her crib without waking me up. Finally I got up at around 5pm. We went to my grandparent's place and had dinner with them. Evie's scared of the dog now. She would not walk by herself if the dog was around.

I'm not putting in a lot of effort in adjusting my jet lag. I'm back on 2 pain killers a day and I've still been in a lot of pain these days. A little bit of diarrhea everyday since I arrived. Perhaps I'm not used to the food here. I hope I won't have to take 2 types of pain killers.. But it's been quite painful so far.. Dunno what I can do about it..

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Going to Toronto on 10/26!!

Yes! I'm going to see Evie next Monday!

The MRI and bone scan results were all good. No sign of cancer. Only signs of radiation treatment detectable on the scans. Yay yay yay!

On the flip side, my tummy and back pains have intensified a bit and i'm now back on pain killers everyday (and still feel the pain). Radiation doctor said yes this is expected because of fibrosis. My intestines are sticking to each other and the walls of my organs (that were exposed to radition) are thickening. He doesn't seem to know how long this pain will last. He only told me it all depends on the individual. Also, I should expect blood in my poo 3 years from now. When that happens, I shouldn't be alarmed.. As I was feeling hopeless about such long lasting side effects from radiation, the doctor informed me that I will no longer see him any more. I guess his job is completed. No more cancer to be radiated. My follow ups will be done with gyne and chemo doctors.

This revelation conjured an image of a ruined city in my mind. I'm the ruined city. Radiation was the army. Now that the cancer's been killed, it's time for the army to leave. And what am I to do with this ruined city that is my body with the neverending pain? Not the army's problem...

Anyway, I should be happy that cancer is nowhere to be seen in all of the scans I've done. However, I'm beginning to feel that I may need some spiritual help.. I should be grateful that I am living. I should not complain about the pains and sores that are now part of my life. But I'm really not such a strong person. So please forgive me when you hear me complain about the pains and sores. I don't know what to do with it yet. And it makes me such a dependent person, relying on my family for everything. I know I'll get better.. I just don't know how long this process is going to take.

In pain or not, I'm still very excited that I finally got the go aheads from all the doctors. I'm going to Toronto on 10/26 and returning to Taipei on 1/8. I'm a little scared about how I'll feel after the long flight - how long it'll take me to overcome the fatique and jet lag.. But I'll be with Evie and hubby. It'll be good :)

準備回加!! Preparing to go back to Canada!!

為了準備我將獨自飛回加拿大的旅程,
路上沒有老公幫我背電腦,

我買了這個傳說中的低年級小學生拉桿書包...

In my anticipation of flying back to Canada alone
without hubby's help in carrying my laptop,
I bought this wheeler backpack
designed for kids in grade 1 - 3...
(meant for books/elementary school, for Asian kids, of course...)



需要拖大件行李的時候就用背的...
I can use it as a backpack
when i need to drag some large luggage around...



行李托運之後就可以拉著跑了!
After checking in my luggage, I can just drag it around on wheels!



這.. 真的是為小學生上學而設計的嗎??
我用剛剛好耶!!
Is this really designed for elementary students?!
It's perfect for me!!

OK.. I don't actually know when I can go back to Canada. But, I am prepared to go as soon as the doctors give me the green light! Even if I can only go for 2-3 weeks, I will still make the trip. I miss my daughter and hubby so very much. It's been nearly half a year since I last hugged Evie. I'd love to see my in-laws and my grandparents and aunt and cousin and my friends too... and let's not forget my beloved 2005 BMW 330xi, black on black, fully loaded and debugged (bought second-hand and had made many trips to the shop to work the kinks out)... I haven't driven any car for nearly half a year too..

Today I had bone scan and pelvic MRI done. I found out that I'm simply unable to lie still on my back - it hurts like hell after a few minutes. Lying face down is a tiny bit better, which was how I had the MRI.. No wonder I've been sleeping on my side all this time. Anyways. Results will be out on 10/14, when I will meet with the doctors again and discuss my returning to Canada!! Mua Ha Ha Ha!! Yes my spirits are high, even if I am still in pain all the time. Perhaps the pain and the digestive problems are going to be my life long companions - FINE!! So long as I'm rid of cancer!!