小Evie 12月的照片精選集

小Evie會彈鋼琴唷! 無師自通 : )

最近每天都五點起床。。。

可能是藥性的關係吧，每天早上我都五點起床。吃早飯，吃藥。然後不曉得要做啥，悶悶的。上上網，買買東西。最近超花錢的。沒事就在網路上買東西。希望六個禮拜的療程趕快過完。不然我可要破產了啦。

treatment week 3 - first half

due to holidays 12/25 and 12/26, treatment week 3 is shortened significantly. i get to rest at home for the holidays. still enjoying my short short hair :)
yesterday i was bad because i ate a bunch of wrong stuff such as potato chips, chocolates, and etc. as a result, i had diarrhea and spent a pretty painful evening constantly visiting the washroom. today i'm feeling much better.. better not eat such bad food again!

my new haircut - looking more like a cancer patient? hee hee

i decided to get a hair cut. because maybe i'm starting on menopause already? i get hot flashes these days and it's very annoying. my hair had been a burden that i could not rid of. so today the answer came loud and clear to me: time to get a good haircut!!

seems like i'm getting menopause pretty soon because i'm already experiencing hot flashes!! oh man. it's so hard to bear in the midst of everything else~~

treatment week 2

i've completed treatment week 2! so excited for the weekend when i won't need to travel to the hospital for 2 days. week 2 was a lot better than week 1. i still get nausea but it is more or less manageable. i only vomited once this week, and have managed to keep most of the food down. my small tummy is back! what a welcoming sight :) i don't want to run on no reserve ever again. so am trying to eat well. still can't do much about car sick because i'm still too weak to drive myself. so i can only rely on anti-nausea medicine to do its job. next week will be a short week because i'll have no treatment on 12/25 and 12/26. however, i will be getting my first internal radiation on 12/30 - which sounds a bit scary to me so i don't want to be thinking about it yet.. well so far so good, and i'm hanging there alright. my dearest friends and family don't need to worry too much about me :)

小Evie 11月的照片精選集

treatment week 1

a wk's treatment sounds pretty short.. but in reality it felt like ages to me.. first day was alright, because i only had radiation. day 2 i had my first chemo. the process of receiving chemo was ok. basically i had i.v. for about 2-3 hrs. they gave me saline as well as my chemicals - or my medications. the saline makes the whole thing long because it was a huge bag. i needed the hydration to dilute the med i guess. and i'm supposed to drink 2 litres of water daily to wash the chemicals out. it didn't sound so hard when i was receiving chemo. however, i can't even remember when it started. i think on day 3 at 5am i suddenly woke up by an urge to vomit. (the day after chemo.) i took the anti-nausea med but a few min later i vomited anyway and probably got rid of the med in the process. from then on all i could remember me doing was trying to supress the urge to vomit. i mean i still went to the hospital to receive daily radiation but that's besides the point. all i could do was take med, drink some meal replacements, sleep, washroom, sleep, med, etc. on day 4 i had my dr. appointment after radiation. she took one look at me and decided i need to get i.v. in some hydration and anti-nausea med becuase what i took in didn't stay in long enough to do anything for me. she also changed my anti-nausea med to something that'll cost about $200 per week. can't really be cheap in a time like this i guess! the expensive med seems to work a lot better than the cheap ones. at least today, day 6, i'm able to eat some light meals and can carry a few conversations when my grandparents, aunt, and cousin visited. Most importantly, i'm able to sit here and type this blog! which is really something, i can tell you that much!! i had never known eating can be this difficult. after all this is over, i will really try to gain weight. it's really no fun constantly running under no reserve.
i'm really thankful for the support from my family and friends. even tho i'm unable to reply to everybody's well wishing msgs, i hope you all know that i am really grateful that you all thought of me!! especially on my most unhappy birthday (i hope the upcoming ones will be happier than this one!).. it really means so much to me to hear from everyone. thank you so very much!! i'm not as strong as you all want me to be but i will try to drag on with the program and get rid of this cancer as soon as possible!

a little diary moment

2007.07.16
evie was born. i started breastfeeding. a couple of months later, i was no longer bleeding and was period-free for several months.

2008.05
i started having light period - 2 days at a time. still breastfeeding.

2008.08
in mid august, i started to bleed almost everyday. about 1 week time out of a month i would not bleed, but still have discharge. because of breastfeeding, i did not seek medical help immediately since the bleeding was light most of the time anyway.

2008.11.02
after a week of constant breastfeeding and holding evie at her request, she finally recovered from her roseola. i was holding her while she banged on my computer when i noticed that i was bleeding. i went upstairs with her and let my grandma hold her while i went to the bathroom. i came out, stood there for a minute, felt blood coming down again so i immediately went back to the bathroom again. in 20 minutes i soaked through 5 maxi pads. we decided it was time i went to the emergency room at sunnybrook. when we got there, my bleeding had slowed down a lot. my blood work turned out to be fine. so i was sent home after 5 hours of rest there and was referred to see a gynecologist.

2008.11.03 to 11.21
i started letting hubby, grandma, and aunt to take care of evie. i still breastfed her and changed her diapers but i did not hold her and walk around that much any more. whenever bleeding becomes heavier than usual, i would force myself to rest.

2008.11.22
finally saw the gynecologist. he found a tumor in my cervix and did a biopsy right there and then. he put on some liquid band-aids in me after the biopsy and told me i should expect nasty discharge. he asked me to get more blood tests done and also told me he'd get me an MRI appointment asap. he recommended me stop breastfeeding as soon as i could because he believed at 156cm and 44kg, i was too thin for my hormone system to function properly.

2008.11.23
some discharge and a tiny bit of bleeding.

2008.11.24
i breastfed evie for the last time. went to get my blood tests done.
still not much bleeding.

2008.11.25
MRI done. was really lucky because there was a cancellation at sunnybrook and they filled me in. (thanks to Dr. Gerber.) did not sleep well the night before (woke up at 4am) and because of the MRI appointment, i didn't eat or drink all morning.
after i got home in the afternoon, i started bleeding quite heavily and constantly for the rest of the day. i was soaking through about 1 pad every 2 hours.

2008.11.26
still bleeding at 1 pad every 2 hours.
i started to feel that i had to lie down or sit down with as little movements as possible. i started to feel faint, dizziness, headache, loss of appetite (due to nausea) and 100-110 heart beats per minute (resting rate). i could hear my pause loud and clear in my ear. it felt like an army was marching in the distance..

2008.11.27
still bleeding at 1 pad every 2 hours.
saw the gynecologist again in the evening. he told me the MRI results were back and based on that, i have stage 2b cervical cancer. this meant the cancer is in my cervix, and has spread to uterus and the tissues surrounding the cervix. at this stage, surgery cannot effectively remove the cancer so i'll be treated with chemo and radiation. he didn't have the biopsy results yet and he didn't mention about the blood work - i had forgotten about that too. he saw the state i was in and decided i should go to the emergency room for possible blood transfusion. he gave me some medicine to take and packed me up with 8 4x4s so that i wouldn't bleed any more hopefully. then he sent us on our way.
so we went to ER but after they did the blood work, they decided to unpack me and send me home since my numbers were still fine despite how i was feeling.
grandma had a good night of sleep today because she thought i was sleeping over in the hospital... my blood loss really worried her.

2008.11.28-30
bleeding reduced. perhaps because of the medicine i took at the gynecologist? or perhaps the effects of stopping breastfeeding had ceased? in any case, i was bleeding less and less. however, my headache, dizziness and nausea had worsened. heart rate went above 110 bpm (less than 120 bpm). and yes, i still heard the army marching in the distance which was my pounding pulse.
a friend visited me on 11.28 which was very nice of her. she brought us some homemade dumplings too.
we moved to hubby's parents place on 11.29. big thanks to 2 friends who came with their minivans to help us move~ i was feeling faint and could not help with the move in any capacity. this was the 2nd move i did where i could only watch others move for me.. the first happened when i was still pregnant.

2008.12.01
i finally stopped bleeding; instead, i started getting a disgusting discharge.
had my first appointment with the radiation oncologist who will be looking after my treatment. told her all the problems i was having and she advised me to get another blood test. turned out i did need a blood transfusion so they scheduled me for the next morning.
went to the planning section in the cancer centre. planning basically meant a simulation on my radiation treatment by the team. i got tattooed - 4 dots - for the alignment of the machine so that i will get radiated according to plan every time. what will happen to the accuracy if i gain/lose weight i wonder?

2008.12.02
blood transfusion day. i received 2 bags of blood after spending 5 hours lying in bed. i was very happy that a friend visited me there. for some reason i really like being visited since i learned about my cancer. of course my hubby has always been with me throughout everything (big thanks to hubby because i really need it!!) but i still like to talk to friends and hear what everyone's up to.. :D
chest x-ray was done that day, as part of the cancer treatment package i suppose.
grandma & cousin came to visit me :)

2008.12.04
finally i got some strengths back, altho i still had headache and dizziness, my heart rate had come down to 90 bpm and my appetite improved a bit as well.
went to sunnybrook for a chemo info session. dropped off an application form for online access to my medical records at sunnybrook.

2008.12.05
received my brand new Macbook Pro, thanks to hubby :D i was very excited and as a result very exhausted that day.

2008.12.06
my grandparents and aunt came to visit me :)
hubby's mom referred me to see a chinese dr, who was kind enough to come to our place to visit me. we had a good chat. i told him everything i know about my cancer and he gave me a few tips on eating and how chinese medicine may help me during chemo and radiation treatment. we went to the herbs store his office is at to pick up the brewed medicine in the evening. however, they refused to give me the prescription. without the prescription i was unable to ask mom to verify it with her chinese dr to make sure this dr is dependable.. i become skeptical and as a result could not make myself drink this whatever medicine they brewed for me. my main concerns are: 1) i don't know if the dr is legit. 2) i don't know if the medicine will interfere with my chemo and radiation therapy. the last thing i want is to prolong my treatment. 3) i don't want to risk having severe diarrhea in a time like this.
so very sorry hubby's mom wasted $ on this chinese dr and the medicine we took back.. i couldn't decide on the spot if i was going to drink it or not so we bought a wk's worth of med.. it was after some thought and discussion with family and friends that i finally decided that i wasn't going to drink it afterall. so sorry!!

2008.12.07
the day before my first treatment.
6 friends visited me today~ so happy to see everyone :) (and so happy to show evie off to them too.. ha ha.. evie is so damn cute!!)
my poor hubby is so behind in his school work now he'll probably have to pull an all nighter tonight..

2008.12.08
6-week treatment begins. radiation everyday (we think they meant monday to friday, will find out soon enough) and chemo once a week (but i get 2 chemo appointments in week 1). i will get reassessed at the end of 6 weeks, and then get another 6 weeks of treatment... so on and so forth, until there is no more cancer cells to kill! i'm very looking forward to that.

小Evie 10月的照片精選集

小Evie快16個月大了. 10月最後一個禮拜她得了玫瑰疹, 瘦了. 不過這兩個禮拜開始補回來了. 自從她生病之後我就很少寫網誌了, 因為她生病的時候搞得我很累. 之後我也休息了一個禮拜. 後來我有iPhone了, 所以偷閒的時候都在玩iPhone... 嘿嘿.

	我們一家三口去一家叫金鳳的餐廳吃飯,剛好碰到朋友夫妻檔,就請他們替我們照一張難得不是自拍的全家福.
	小Evie終於肯穿鞋鞋.這是第一次讓她在shopping mall亂跑的照片.
	自己拿蛋糕吃的可愛模樣
	我們在IKEA買了這套小桌椅,加幣50塊蠻便宜的.不過沒算老公和我的加工費.自己組裝之外,還要磨平粗糙的地方,再上點油,因為實在是太粗糙了.我們兩人加起來3-4個小時的人工之後,總算是可以給小Evie坐坐了.剛好我爸送給爺爺的iMac到了,所以我的舊Acer電腦就變成小Evie專用的了.
	我們很難得一起出去吃頓飯..這算是慶祝爺爺有新電腦吧,哈哈.本來七月中爺爺說要一起吃飯給小Evie慶生,但是老公太忙,所以一直拖到現在我們才有機會一起吃飯.也剛好是找到一家蠻好吃的上海館子啦,不然我們還是懶得這麼勞師動眾的吃飯.
	小Evie的爺爺嬷嬷,多開心!這可是連拍20張後才選到的照片哦.
	小Evie硬要坐進她的購物車裡面..跟她的太公太婆(還有紹華的狗)玩的很開心.
	還是超愛拖地的!
	那天在Bayview Village吃完晚飯時,讓小Evie自己走走玩玩(這個shopping mall比較少人).碰到別人也帶個小孩,比小Evie大幾個月的.他們送個氣球給小Evie.這是她第一次接觸氣球哦.
	小Evie長玫瑰疹囉!

小Evie的玫瑰疹

上禮拜一晚上小Evie吃飯的時候很不爽, 不是很願意吃. 爸爸回來後一摸她, 就說哎呀她發燒了啦. 一量體溫, 哇, 39.6度耶.. 真是糊塗的媽. 趕快打電話求救. 跟護士小姐說了半天, 結論是給她退燒藥, 並留意有沒有其它的症狀.. 沒到40.6度不必去醫院.. 第二天我們趕快帶她去看小兒科. 醫生看了半天, 她除了發燒沒食慾之外完全沒有其他的症狀. 就叫我們給她驗尿. 驗尿耶, 多難啊. 要她直接尿尿在那個消毒過的塑膠瓶裡.. 怎麼可能嘛. 醫生說明天來之前尿. 所以回家後我們就繼續給她退燒藥. 她飯也不吃, 水也不喝, 就只要喝奶, 白天也要, 半夜也要. 禮拜三早上試試看給她把尿, 當然是沒下文, 因為她沒吃沒喝.. 等到午飯後我們再試一次, 這次我說不如就讓她尿在她的小馬桶裡再倒出來吧.. 實在是太可憐了嘛. 光著屁股, 我一定抱得她很不舒服. 爸爸等著接也很累. 所以我們就逼她坐馬桶. 她哭鬧了一陣終於尿了. 然後我請爸爸自己帶尿尿去診所, 我們不去了. 小Evie沒有任何新的症狀給醫生看, 還不如在家休息. 結果爸爸去被醫生說教, 說小孩怎麼沒帶來呢. 尿尿怎麼可以用馬桶接呢. 會有污染.. bla bla bla. anyway 還是讓爸爸帶去化驗了. 爸爸忘了帶小孩的健保卡, 又匆匆的回家拿. 本來想叫我們跟他回去找醫生, 剛好我又在餵奶, 所以就算了, 爸爸送完尿尿去化驗後, 帶了兩個新的尿尿瓶回來說醫生說要再重新收集樣本.. 真是痛苦. 我說那明天再說吧. 實在太虐待兒童了, 她已經很不舒服了還要這樣折騰她. 禮拜四起床, 發現小Evie滿臉滿身都是紅斑. 真是太高興了, 不必再逼她驗尿. 因為這很明顯的就是傳說中的玫瑰疹! 老公還說醫生還是會叫我們驗尿, 我說那先去看完醫生再說, 我可不要小Evie無端端再受罪了. 中午去給醫生一看, 醫生馬上就證實我是對的. 兩秒鐘說完小Evie的確是得了玫瑰疹, 他就烙跑了. 小Evie才剛開始要大哭(她每次看醫生都要大哭一番), 醫生就已經走人了. 是我們看醫生最快的一次! 小Evie也終於開始退燒了. 禮拜五燒就全退了, 紅斑擴散到四肢. 不過還是食慾不佳, 脾氣也很大. 不過半夜不再哭醒吵喝奶了. 禮拜六紅斑也退了. 開始比較吃東西了, 心情也終於開始變好. 禮拜天她就完全恢復正常了, 紅斑全消, 不過只肯吃麵麵. 菜啊肉的都還不肯吃.. 不過總算是結束了. 終於可以鬆一口氣啦..

哄小孩睡覺的新招

平常寶貝貝晚上已經可以把她擺上床她自己跟自己聊聊天後就自己睡覺了. 可是白天午睡她還是要嘛喝奶喝到睡著, 要嘛坐車兜風坐到睡著, 自己是不肯乖乖在床上睡的. 不過我們終於有新招可以讓她自己在床上玩玩然後自己午睡了. 那就是: 給她玩媽媽的Nokia N95!! 已經試過三次了, 三次都能夠自己玩累了就睡著哦~ 真是high tech小孩啊~

寶貝貝爬樓梯

今天寶貝貝第一次在家裡爬樓梯. 一口氣從一樓爬到二樓, 連爬三四次, 不肯停... 她每次都想自己下樓梯, 硬把她抱下樓就要叫要哭, 所以只好跟著她連續爬了三四次, 然後硬把她抱回房間, 由得她哭鬧一陣, 然後趕快出門... 爬樓梯沒照相, 因為忙著看住她. 實在是太危險了.

小Evie逛街自己走!

由於小Evie終於肯穿鞋的緣故, 我們決定讓她試試看逛街自己走的滋味. 來到Yorkdale, 先讓她坐推車, 像平時一樣. 先到Coach跟Elaine阿姨打個招呼. (老公和我都是第一次走進Coach的店... 剛好Elaine在, 就跟她小聊了一下.) 出來之後, 我們找個人比較少一點的地方讓小Evie自己下車走走. 開始的時候, 她很想推她的車車. 可是她實在是太小了, 推不到, 所以只好放棄. 接下來她就真的開始走走了. 先是慢慢的在我們附近走走, 很快的她就開始興奮的衝啊~ 不肯給我們牽手耶. 我們只好輪流一個看車, 一個跟著她跑, 小心別讓她撞到人.. (Yorkdale人少的地方還是蠻多人的!) 實在是很累. 後來她看到電扶梯就想試試看! 於是我讓她站在我前面乘電扶梯上樓. 開始都還好, 快到2樓的時候她開始怕了, 所以下樓時我就抱著她. 結果她意猶未盡. 要我們輪流抱她坐電扶梯上上下下的, 以為到了遊樂園一樣興奮呢. 害我不禁幻想著幾時才能帶她去迪士尼呢?

小Evie的'牛牛'還有我的手機

上個月中開始,小Evie很明顯的有她最喜歡的布娃娃了:是一隻粉紅色的小牛玩偶.她叫它'襖熬'(廣東話'牛牛').我們特地買多兩隻一模一樣的'牛牛'給她,讓她在自己房間或是我們房間甚至坐車的時候都可以抱著她的'牛牛'.還有後備,方便換洗..過多幾天,她開始每次喝奶的時候也要抱'牛牛'了.如果喝到一半'牛牛'掉了,她會要求我把她的'牛牛'撿起來給她,然後才肯繼續喝奶.所以我餵奶看電子書的日子結束了.因為要顧著她的'牛牛',沒手拿N95囉...好在她現在喝奶快很多.以前每次要喝20-30分鐘.現在大概5-10分鐘.也慢慢減少次數了.我用Nokia N95利用餵奶時間而讀的電子書,大概已經有30本左右耶.N95真是目前為止我所擁有過使用率最高的手機了.下個月我應該可以跟fido續約,訂購iPhone了.到時候N95就是我的全職電子書囉.(也是我的台灣手機啦,只是不知道什麼時候才會回去.)就算餵奶時沒的看書,睡前,或是小Evie午睡時我還是可以看看書的.N95實在是蠻好用的,不過我也很期待iPhone.真是漫長的等待啊!

小Evie 9月的照片精選集

這篇是為了嫌我在flickr放太多照片的人而準備的... 小Evie快15個月大了! 九月開始讓她多些地方跑跑之後, 現在跑的快得很. 被罵時會跳一跳然後頭也不回的趕快烙跑. 跑累了會講"媽媽~抱抱!!" 也會叫爺爺嬤嬤. 還會主動親親爸爸媽媽唷! 在爸媽房間最愛玩的是紙拖把. 不知道是不是嫌媽媽的拖的不夠乾淨.. 哈哈. 實在是太可愛了!

	在朋友家讓小Evie到處亂跑
	終於拍到小Evie塗鴉的樣子
	坐車車要哭哭,媽媽只好犧牲N95
	小Evie硬要推車
	嘟嘴的可愛模樣
	自己吃葡萄,還要跟狗分享
	還是很愛玩她的舊車座
	也很愛玩電話和狗窩

我的小筆電

最近買了一台小筆電(Acer Aspire One 1GB w/ 16GB SSD Linpus Linux Lite Onyx Black)連稅連運費加幣500元有找.(買個webcam都要100多了)開機超快的.跟爸爸用Skype視訊聊天也蠻好用的,可以full screen.我們發現只有Skype才是真正可以cross-platform video calling - Mac, Windows, Linux.. 不過我寫blog時用小筆電中文有點難打,因為我習慣用拼音..而跟機來的輸入法只有一種繁體輸入可用拼音..可是很奇怪的是,有蠻多字打不出來.例如zhuang,chuang,..然後中文mode又不能打標點符號...看來我還有得研究的.