a little diary moment

2007.07.16
evie was born. i started breastfeeding. a couple of months later, i was no longer bleeding and was period-free for several months.

2008.05
i started having light period - 2 days at a time. still breastfeeding.

2008.08
in mid august, i started to bleed almost everyday. about 1 week time out of a month i would not bleed, but still have discharge. because of breastfeeding, i did not seek medical help immediately since the bleeding was light most of the time anyway.

2008.11.02
after a week of constant breastfeeding and holding evie at her request, she finally recovered from her roseola. i was holding her while she banged on my computer when i noticed that i was bleeding. i went upstairs with her and let my grandma hold her while i went to the bathroom. i came out, stood there for a minute, felt blood coming down again so i immediately went back to the bathroom again. in 20 minutes i soaked through 5 maxi pads. we decided it was time i went to the emergency room at sunnybrook. when we got there, my bleeding had slowed down a lot. my blood work turned out to be fine. so i was sent home after 5 hours of rest there and was referred to see a gynecologist.

2008.11.03 to 11.21
i started letting hubby, grandma, and aunt to take care of evie. i still breastfed her and changed her diapers but i did not hold her and walk around that much any more. whenever bleeding becomes heavier than usual, i would force myself to rest.

2008.11.22
finally saw the gynecologist. he found a tumor in my cervix and did a biopsy right there and then. he put on some liquid band-aids in me after the biopsy and told me i should expect nasty discharge. he asked me to get more blood tests done and also told me he'd get me an MRI appointment asap. he recommended me stop breastfeeding as soon as i could because he believed at 156cm and 44kg, i was too thin for my hormone system to function properly.

2008.11.23
some discharge and a tiny bit of bleeding.

2008.11.24
i breastfed evie for the last time. went to get my blood tests done.
still not much bleeding.

2008.11.25
MRI done. was really lucky because there was a cancellation at sunnybrook and they filled me in. (thanks to Dr. Gerber.) did not sleep well the night before (woke up at 4am) and because of the MRI appointment, i didn't eat or drink all morning.
after i got home in the afternoon, i started bleeding quite heavily and constantly for the rest of the day. i was soaking through about 1 pad every 2 hours.

2008.11.26
still bleeding at 1 pad every 2 hours.
i started to feel that i had to lie down or sit down with as little movements as possible. i started to feel faint, dizziness, headache, loss of appetite (due to nausea) and 100-110 heart beats per minute (resting rate). i could hear my pause loud and clear in my ear. it felt like an army was marching in the distance..

2008.11.27
still bleeding at 1 pad every 2 hours.
saw the gynecologist again in the evening. he told me the MRI results were back and based on that, i have stage 2b cervical cancer. this meant the cancer is in my cervix, and has spread to uterus and the tissues surrounding the cervix. at this stage, surgery cannot effectively remove the cancer so i'll be treated with chemo and radiation. he didn't have the biopsy results yet and he didn't mention about the blood work - i had forgotten about that too. he saw the state i was in and decided i should go to the emergency room for possible blood transfusion. he gave me some medicine to take and packed me up with 8 4x4s so that i wouldn't bleed any more hopefully. then he sent us on our way.
so we went to ER but after they did the blood work, they decided to unpack me and send me home since my numbers were still fine despite how i was feeling.
grandma had a good night of sleep today because she thought i was sleeping over in the hospital... my blood loss really worried her.

2008.11.28-30
bleeding reduced. perhaps because of the medicine i took at the gynecologist? or perhaps the effects of stopping breastfeeding had ceased? in any case, i was bleeding less and less. however, my headache, dizziness and nausea had worsened. heart rate went above 110 bpm (less than 120 bpm). and yes, i still heard the army marching in the distance which was my pounding pulse.
a friend visited me on 11.28 which was very nice of her. she brought us some homemade dumplings too.
we moved to hubby's parents place on 11.29. big thanks to 2 friends who came with their minivans to help us move~ i was feeling faint and could not help with the move in any capacity. this was the 2nd move i did where i could only watch others move for me.. the first happened when i was still pregnant.

2008.12.01
i finally stopped bleeding; instead, i started getting a disgusting discharge.
had my first appointment with the radiation oncologist who will be looking after my treatment. told her all the problems i was having and she advised me to get another blood test. turned out i did need a blood transfusion so they scheduled me for the next morning.
went to the planning section in the cancer centre. planning basically meant a simulation on my radiation treatment by the team. i got tattooed - 4 dots - for the alignment of the machine so that i will get radiated according to plan every time. what will happen to the accuracy if i gain/lose weight i wonder?

2008.12.02
blood transfusion day. i received 2 bags of blood after spending 5 hours lying in bed. i was very happy that a friend visited me there. for some reason i really like being visited since i learned about my cancer. of course my hubby has always been with me throughout everything (big thanks to hubby because i really need it!!) but i still like to talk to friends and hear what everyone's up to.. :D
chest x-ray was done that day, as part of the cancer treatment package i suppose.
grandma & cousin came to visit me :)

2008.12.04
finally i got some strengths back, altho i still had headache and dizziness, my heart rate had come down to 90 bpm and my appetite improved a bit as well.
went to sunnybrook for a chemo info session. dropped off an application form for online access to my medical records at sunnybrook.

2008.12.05
received my brand new Macbook Pro, thanks to hubby :D i was very excited and as a result very exhausted that day.

2008.12.06
my grandparents and aunt came to visit me :)
hubby's mom referred me to see a chinese dr, who was kind enough to come to our place to visit me. we had a good chat. i told him everything i know about my cancer and he gave me a few tips on eating and how chinese medicine may help me during chemo and radiation treatment. we went to the herbs store his office is at to pick up the brewed medicine in the evening. however, they refused to give me the prescription. without the prescription i was unable to ask mom to verify it with her chinese dr to make sure this dr is dependable.. i become skeptical and as a result could not make myself drink this whatever medicine they brewed for me. my main concerns are: 1) i don't know if the dr is legit. 2) i don't know if the medicine will interfere with my chemo and radiation therapy. the last thing i want is to prolong my treatment. 3) i don't want to risk having severe diarrhea in a time like this.
so very sorry hubby's mom wasted $ on this chinese dr and the medicine we took back.. i couldn't decide on the spot if i was going to drink it or not so we bought a wk's worth of med.. it was after some thought and discussion with family and friends that i finally decided that i wasn't going to drink it afterall. so sorry!!

2008.12.07
the day before my first treatment.
6 friends visited me today~ so happy to see everyone :) (and so happy to show evie off to them too.. ha ha.. evie is so damn cute!!)
my poor hubby is so behind in his school work now he'll probably have to pull an all nighter tonight..

2008.12.08
6-week treatment begins. radiation everyday (we think they meant monday to friday, will find out soon enough) and chemo once a week (but i get 2 chemo appointments in week 1). i will get reassessed at the end of 6 weeks, and then get another 6 weeks of treatment... so on and so forth, until there is no more cancer cells to kill! i'm very looking forward to that.