Going to Toronto on 10/26!!

Yes! I'm going to see Evie next Monday!

The MRI and bone scan results were all good. No sign of cancer. Only signs of radiation treatment detectable on the scans. Yay yay yay!

On the flip side, my tummy and back pains have intensified a bit and i'm now back on pain killers everyday (and still feel the pain). Radiation doctor said yes this is expected because of fibrosis. My intestines are sticking to each other and the walls of my organs (that were exposed to radition) are thickening. He doesn't seem to know how long this pain will last. He only told me it all depends on the individual. Also, I should expect blood in my poo 3 years from now. When that happens, I shouldn't be alarmed.. As I was feeling hopeless about such long lasting side effects from radiation, the doctor informed me that I will no longer see him any more. I guess his job is completed. No more cancer to be radiated. My follow ups will be done with gyne and chemo doctors.

This revelation conjured an image of a ruined city in my mind. I'm the ruined city. Radiation was the army. Now that the cancer's been killed, it's time for the army to leave. And what am I to do with this ruined city that is my body with the neverending pain? Not the army's problem...

Anyway, I should be happy that cancer is nowhere to be seen in all of the scans I've done. However, I'm beginning to feel that I may need some spiritual help.. I should be grateful that I am living. I should not complain about the pains and sores that are now part of my life. But I'm really not such a strong person. So please forgive me when you hear me complain about the pains and sores. I don't know what to do with it yet. And it makes me such a dependent person, relying on my family for everything. I know I'll get better.. I just don't know how long this process is going to take.

In pain or not, I'm still very excited that I finally got the go aheads from all the doctors. I'm going to Toronto on 10/26 and returning to Taipei on 1/8. I'm a little scared about how I'll feel after the long flight - how long it'll take me to overcome the fatique and jet lag.. But I'll be with Evie and hubby. It'll be good :)