treatment week 5

2 more weeks left... i really can't wait!! this week i had my second internal radiation treatment. i am still so scared of it because the concept of losing all consciousness lying there like a corpse just scare the hell out of me. but scared or not, i still have three more to go. and it makes me really tired so that i'm lying in bed most of the time. it also makes my stomach so sensitive that almost everyday i suffer from diarrhea and/or stomach ache. also, for some reason i still get nauseous even though i no longer have chemo. all these side effects make me stay in bed a lot. so i've been pursuing Harry Potter more vigorously than ever so as to immerse my mind in the story and temporarily forget how i'm feeling. but i'm already on book 7 now. perhaps i will reread from book 1 again once i'm done... i have other books too but Harry Potter seems to capture my attention best. the downside about lying in bed all day is that i'd get this huge headache after a few hours. it seems i simply have to live with these pains and aches especially in my digestive system. the upside is i seem to sleep better and longer this week. and the fact that only two more weeks of treatments remain does cheer me up a little bit. although there is a catch, which i learned this week, that i will need to use a vaginal dilator on a daily basis two minutes per day for six months!! according to the handout i received, it says "radiation treatment to the pelvis may cause the vagina to become dry. scar tissue can form, and make the vagina narrower and shorter. the dilator helps to break down this scar tissue. it can also prevent the scar tissue from forming." and why do i care? well the handout also explained: "keeping the vagina open is important for 1) a comfortable pelvic exam to check the effect of the cancer treatment 2) sexual activity/intercourse." basically if i don't bother to do it, it will hurt very much every time i get examined. remembering i need to be monitored closely for 5 yrs, i better do as i was told.. just when i was thinking finally the end is near, this annoying news was broken to me and it feels like the treatments will keep haunting me for another 6 months, only i will be giving myself the treatments. how annoying!! sigh. but i shouldn't complain, should i? at least i'll be free from cancer by then. i should be grateful. but the prospect of using a dilator still annoys me very much...