Tumor confirmed

I got the result from last week's PET+CT scan and it is telling the same story as the PET scan from a week before. There is this approximately 2.5cm tumor in my abdominal lymph node. The medical term is "para-aortic recurrence." This is the cause of my strange abdominal pain that is sometimes on the right side, sometimes in the front, sometimes in the back and growing more painful week after week because it is touching some pain nerves there. I've been given pain killers for this - a regular type which I take twice daily, and an enmergency type which I take when needed. I hope the pain will not become worse and worse like the doctor said..

I will get another CT of abdomen so that they can see exactly where this tumor is in order to perform a CT-guided biopsy. The biopsy will take place next Monday, most likely, when I will literally get stabbed in the back. My brother said, "hey at least you know when it's happening. Normally people have no idea when they get stabbed in the back!" Alrighty bro.. The abdominal CT will help them see which path to take because the tumor is located very close to the two thickest veins in my body (主動脈, 主靜脈), as well as my right kidney, and intestines. If they accidentally stabbed any of that, I'll be in big big trouble. However, biopsy is necessary because if it is not cancer then the treatment will be totally different. Also, my cervical biopsy showed two types of cancer cells. It will be good to see what kind of cancer cell is in the new tumor because we have no other way of knowing whether it was there before cervical cancer or if it was originated from the cervical cancer.

The chance is pretty high that it is cancer because this spot is a common place where cervical cancer would move to. So, what next? That's where I'm having a headache right now because my next treatment hinges upon my past treatment. The problem is, there is a upper limit to how much radiation each part of our body can accept in its lifetime. Exceeding the dose will cause the body part to fail in about 6 months after the treatment. Therefore, I need to obtain the 3-D radiotherapy dose distribution and treatment planning data as well as the radiotherapy summary note from Sunnybrook Hospital. The oncologist in Taiwan cannot safely give me radiation without such information. It would make my life worse if they killed the cancer but also blasted my intestines and spinal cord so I'll become paralized and unable to digest food. Therefore, radiation cannot be done if I cannot obtain my previous treatment data.

Treatment back in Canada is an option but I am very reluctant to take this route. If I can indeed receive radiation again, Taiwan will radiate my abdomen as well as my upper body - where the cancer might go next. In the event that there are unseen cancer cells moving up, they will also get killed, and I will have a much higher chance of survival. If I'm receiving radiation in Canada, they might do what they did the last time: just radiate the area they have confirmed visable evidence of cancer cells. I'm afraid a couple months after the localized treatment, I will suffer from another new tumor and there will be no more tolerance for radiation left in me to fight. My treatment this time is crucial. I would prefer the battlefield be in my hometown, in my mother tonge, with the option for paid medical services, rather than in Canada, where I can only accept whatever that will be decided by the doctors with my half understanding of the implications and no opportunities to learn about or pay for more testings that might help with my diagnosis. I just hope Sunnybrook has a way to export the radiation data for the oncologists in Taiwan...

Worst case scenario is that I was already radiated full dosage in my abdomen the last time around. If this was the case, it would mean the new tumor is so strong that it survived the last treatment. There are two other ways they would be able to remove the tumor locally - only a few places in Taiwan have those expensive machines and those procedures will not guarantee a clean kill because they are very localized. If there are any invisible cancer cells left, then eventually I'll get more tumor later on.

Chemotherapy will be my last resort: it will inhibit further growth and spread of the cancer but it will not kill the cancer for me. Choosing chemo alone would mean giving up.

I'm very far from giving up. Right now I'm focusing on obtaining my previous treatment data from Sunnybrook. I just hope their system isn't too old to have the capability of data export... In the mean time, I wish there is something I could do to comfort my hubby, mom, bro, in-laws, and all my friends and family. I want everybody to know that they shouldn't worry about me because the doctors will help me get rid of this cancer.