today is my day off.. finally!! after a long week of nausea and drowsiness.. i'm still very nauseated at the moment but it can't be helped. according to the dr., he's already given me all the anti-nausea medication he can give me. if i still can't stand this then he can only hospitalize me and have me hooked to iv for anti-nausea med, nutrition, and sleep. i don't want that. so here i am, living with constant nausea. today i shook off the drowsiness because apparently it was due to the supplementary pain killer i was taking. so i'm more alert today, which may seem like an improvement. i don't know. i finally cracked 2 days ago and started crying everyday because this is simply so.. i don't know. uncomfortable i guess. but i gotta say it has been better than the first week in phase 1. i remember back then i wasn't even able to eat, and i was walking at a snail's pace. right now at least i'm still able to eat, no matter how picky or how little. at least i'm able to down some food, and i did not puke for the whole week, even tho i retched many times. i managed to keep what i ate so i guess that was good.. i think it's self-pity that drives me to write this kind of blog. just venting. i know my condition is nothing compared with what some other people are suffering but i just can't help it.. this morning i finally saw evie on skype, but she was at my grandparents place and was excited to run around so she didn't cared for me. that made me cry a lot too. she doesn't seem interested to see me on skype any more. later on, mom came downstairs to see how i was doing. i had skype on again and evie was home this time. i told her hey evie come see your grandma! and she actually came over and gave us a few big big smiles and kisses.. seems like i need to either get my mom or my bro on my side to get her attention now. o well.. i don't think crying is all that bad for me anyway. it is.. another way to vent and a distraction from nausea. i'm hoping i will not resort to taking the anti-nausea pill that will put me to sleep this afternoon so that i'll be able to go shopping. i think i need a bigger wallet for my hospital trips. they don't take credit card for anything below NT$100,000 or something. crazy.sorry i didn't mean to sound so depressed or anything.. just writing out what i'm feeling that's all. don't worry. even tho i'm showing all signs of weaknesses i'm still determined to ride it out. i think the first 2 wks is the hardest, judging from experience... hopefully i'll feel much better in the wks to come. i can only hope for better, can't i?!
thanks so much for listening/reading... i really appreciate all of your support and it really means a lot to me to know that so many people care about how i'm doing. thank you. thank you so very much~
5 comments:
venting is good, maybe someday I will put you on the phone with my mom and you can vent together on this evil disease.
My mom hasn't been feeling to hot herself, instead of constant nausea, her abdominal had been collecting a lot of fluid which caused her a lot of discomfort.
2 weeks ago the doctor extract 2.5 liters using a needle that connects to a tube, and today we extracted 3.5 liters.
Keep fighting
We are here to read your updates and vents, which hopefully would help release some emotional pressure of yours. Write when you have the energy, it will take your mind off the nausea.
Raymond and I were talking after hockey and was wondering how you are doing. It's good to see an update, caz that means you have some energy to use the computer, which is better then being nausea/tired.
Hey Mia, when I read your blog entries, I can't stop feeling sad and worried thinking we can't help much. But knowing you are fighting and trying to stay strong as best as you could, I can't help but say: 我真的很佩服妳.
We will still continue to support and care. I haven't been MSNing you. I worry that you may be too tired or don't feel like chatting. But you know we are always online and chat about anything, so feel free to msg us. :)
[Btw, Stan probably told you, we went to visit last week, and took some photos of Evie. Hope Ka will get them up soon to show you. :)] We all miss you a lot from Toronto!
hey Mia, my mom went through a lot of the nausea we tried like a million medicines. Gravol is no good for this type of nausea but the one that worked best, even better than kytril, is Zofran. ask your doctor about it it was a major help.
Dear, there is nothing wrong with venting. And don't apologize for writing how you feel. Get it all out of our system, literally.
If you need company shopping or anything, let me know. AiAi has fantastic taste in fashion. =p
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